


Can you feel My heart?

by M3ggym00m00



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Art Student Eren Jaeger, Bottom Eren Jaeger, Depressed Eren Jaeger, Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Music Student Levi Ackerman, Self Harm, Suicide, Top Levi Ackerman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:22:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7509994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M3ggym00m00/pseuds/M3ggym00m00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We are shards from the same broken Mirror and we fit perfectly together.<br/>We may be broken but I promise I will try to fix you... so tell me, Can you feel my heart?</p><p>Levi has never seen the Beauty in the world around him. That is until he meets the boy with the Emerald Green eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyyy XD

I was sixteen, young and bored. I lived in a small town with little to do and nothing interesting to see. To me this place, the world I lived in was one void of excitement, I failed to see the beauty that life held. I overlooked the joys, the colours, the happiness. I took what I had for granted, but a young boy, the same age as myself helped me find the way to a world that I never would have found on my own, he changed me. I was a 5"4 scrawny guy with raven hair and icy blue eyes, cold and empty. never would I have thought they'd land upon such beautiful Emerald green ones belonging to the one person who would help me discover the wonders of the world that I manage to oversee for all those years. His name was Eren.

It was cold, like most days. The sun barley managing to seep through the cracks in the clouds, I was standing at the foot of a ladder balancing two books in one hand whilst twiddling with the hem of my shirt. My friend, Hanji was at the top of this ladder putting away fallen books from the shelf. You see earlier that day Hanji and I came across a group of boys picking on a new student roughly our age. I told her to stay out of it, unless it became serious but her being the 'saint' of a person that she believes herself to be. The idiot decided to get involved. Things got heated between her and Jean, a tall brown haired twat who's certain that the world revolves around him, Well if he wants to believe that he's the king of this shitty town then why not let him? a perfect match, one crappy assed boy ruling a crappy ass town. During their little argument Hanji's short temper got the better of her and nudged the unsuspecting brute into the shelf behind him. As expected Books went flying and a mess was made. Jean and his monkeys ran off after that throwing a 'have fun cleaning that up' over their shoulders as they high tailed it out of the library. We found out that the guys name was Eren, id seen him around the college earlier on in the week and the kid looked a lot less healthier than when I first laid eyes on him. His skin was pale and sweaty. hair sticking out in every direction. If I hadn't known any better id say the guy just rolled out of bed after a bad night at the bar. He thanked us, eyes downcast. He offered us a small smile then left the library.

So here I am at six in the evening helping to re-stack books. Honestly the things I do for this girl and even after I agreed to stay behind to help I got and earful of 'stop pouting Levi' how could I not? seriously? I was spending a perfectly good evening in the college library helping her clean up the mess she made.

"Hanji. I don't have time for this"

"Oh will you shut up for a second and just help me, I would kind of like to get out the college library before dark. As hard as it may be to believe I do actually have a life"

Rolling my eyes I bent down to the retrieve what would have to be the tenth book from the stack on the floor and handed it up to Hanji who was perched at the top of the ladder, struggling to wedge in one of the larger books.

"May I remind you that this is your fault, I don't have to help you" at this Hanji glared down at me, her Hazel eyes going ablaze with a rush of anger, using her free hand to swipe at her frizzy brown hair that managed to fall in front of her face she huffed out a sarcastic laugh and without warning lobbed one of the smaller books in my direction. Ducking out of the way I simply nodded to enrage her further, a slight smirk tugging at my lips

"my fault!? you know that's not true! they deserved it Levi. If anything they should be the ones cleaning this mess up not me"

"you was the one who pushed Jean into the shelves, hence you made the mess"

Her eyes met mine and they grew ever brighter with pure determination setting in to prove her point, adjusting herself on the ladder so she wouldn't fall, Hanji pointed her slender finger at me

"Don't give me any of your crap. They were pushing that poor boy about, I mean for god sakes he's literally only just moved into this little town and already he's got the shits of this place tailing him. I wasn't going to stand there and watch it happen.. unlike someone"

I jerked back lightly at the comment, it was a low blow and she knew it  
I felt anger begin to rise in the pit of my stomach Hazel eyes met with icy blue ones and I see the regret seep into them.

"you know I wouldn't have let it get out of hand, so don't start blowing shit my way. beside the guy needs to grow a pair. Its not like this town is rough, if he cant deal with the idiots we call 'bullies' then he's never going to get anywhere is he?"

My frustration subsiding I glanced at my hands then back at Hanji, when our eyes locked again I see her gaze soften and her shoulders slump slightly

"Doesn't he remind you of someone?"

Chapter one Green eyed beauty

Rain. Rain and wind. No sun, no breeze just harsh wind and rain. That's the kind of weather expected in the little town of shadeford. I was sat by the window, My eyes following a droplet of rain, I watched it on its journey down the window pane, it was slow. every now and then it seem to stop then carry on down its path. That single drop of rain managed to remind me of how dull life in this town really was. Besides an old cinema, mini market and shopping centre. There was nothing, nothing but trees, hills, abandoned houses. Glancing out the window I allowed my eyes to wander Over the campus. I took the Music course at shadeford college. There wasn't many of us that attended this place, in fact I wouldn't even call this place a college but it was one of the only ones in Shadeford. I enjoyed music, it was my getaway. I could make any tune, any melody and it would be different every time. Something new and exciting, something I have control over. Listening to music was my escape from this town, my life, my world. It helped me to picture a better place, filled with happiness and wonder even sometimes pain and suffering. Music is an expression, and expression of emotion through art and its the only way for me to release, to let go. Its the only way I ever knew how. Its the only thing that makes me feel whole. even if just for a moment.

As my eyes grazed the grey skyline, I felt my mood darken. Why did everything have to be so bland, so boring so devoid of life. I looked down then but what I saw took my breath away, stood in the pouring rain was Eren. Head back facing up towards the heavens, the rain trickling down his face slowly clinging to his olive skin. His eyes closed a look of peace gracing his features. I allowed myself to take him in, how his wet clothes clung to his skinny frame, the dampness of his dark chocolate hair weighing down onto his forehead. I've never seen anyone look so relaxed and.. free.

I wanted to know why he thought standing out in the rain was a good idea, I wanted to chastise him for being stupid but I couldn't bring myself to look away let alone move. He seemed so content, Like rain was a godsend. I don't understand why this mere action of him standing there baffled me so much. why should care, why should I take notice? maybe its because I'm envious, envious of the fact that he wore a look of freedom on his skin as though it was that easy to feel free, to feel happy. I wanted that, I've always wanted that. So why now does he stand there looking the way does in the line of vision of someone who wants nothing more than to feel whole.

"vi Levi!" Jerking out of my thoughts I glanced over to the source of the noise, Hanji was looking at me with an unreadable expression, she glanced just passed me and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion

"what were you looking at?"

That shocked me, I snapped my head back towards the window. Eren was nowhere to be seen, disappointment started to settle in but I quickly pushed that feeling aside, why did I start to regret taking my eyes off of his form?, sighing I dragged a tired hand down my face

"nothing Hanji I just zoned out I guess"

She looked at me her eyebrow raised "you, daydreaming?. never thought id see the day"

I didn't respond, I just simply shifted my gaze back down to the empty sheet of paper in front of me. Blank, unwritten and simple. Just like my life but I was going to change that one day, for now I'll just start with the paper. Picking up the pen I allowed my mind to wander back to the scene of Eren in the rain, today he would be my inspiration. This song was dedicated to the mystery of the boy standing under heavens flood gates.

I hadn't even realised that I had stopped writing the song and was just staring at the words until Hanji took the paper from right under my nose, i looked up at her with the best glare I could muster  
she pouted at me slightly then waved the paper to and fro "you don't mind if I read it right?.. good"

Unable to conjure up the effort the snatch the sheet back I ducked my head down onto the desk, closing my eyes and blocking out the world. That was until she started reading my song out loud

"I see you there, content and free I see you there, ready to fly away, away from this land, away from this world, oh wont you take me with you, oh wont you let me flee, I see you there, with rain falling down your face , I see you there, standing under heavens gates, oh wont you let me be with you, let me feel your embrace, take me away, send me out of this place, let me be free, I see you there, with rain falling down your face, I see you there, standing under heavens gates"

she rested her hand on my shoulder and I turned my head away from her, I wasn't in the mood to be teased so I simply shut down her chance to make a snarky remark

"Levi, that was beautiful" she said in a quiet voice

I shrugged her off and sat up, I allowed my eyes to dance across the vacant spot by the benches where Eren was stood only moments ago, There was something about that Boy. something Beautiful but also very sad, a Rose vibrant and full of life surrounded by the thorns of life, slicing through the perfect petals. He wore it on his face, tragic knowledge, but perhaps I'm overthinking it, all he was doing was standing in the rain I don't even know the guy. I know nothing about him, nothing at all and for some reason that doesn't feel right.

"I wonder what course he studies" I muse out loud

"Who?"

I look back at Hanji a small smile playing on my lips "that new kid Eren"

I see her eyes light up with happiness, she's been wanting to befriend him for sometime now and bring him into our little group but I denied her, not to befriend him, just to let him in. Its always been her and I. I've never needed anyone else. we talk to people and sit with others at lunch but their not really close enough to be considered friends, not in my book anyway. I've always been closed off, I don't enjoy being social, I don't suppose that I ever will but I do it for Hanji because she deserves that, she deserves the world. That Frizzy haired idiot is my best friend and although I'd never admit it I love her like a sister, Like family. So allowing myself to try and let someone new into my life is showing her much I appreciate what she's done for me. I don't know why I'm willing to let Eren in, he may not even accept us as friends, but something feels right about it. He seems lost, drifting in the corridors alone. He reminds me of who I used to be.

Pixis, our music teacher walked back into the room then holding some extra sheets of paper. There wasn't many of us taking the Music course, only six. He set the small stack of paper down and cleared his throat.

"okay musicians its nearly lunch, pack up and on your way out grab a sheet of paper. I want a song done for next week Tuesday and I expect an instrument of your choice to be composed for the piece. Our theme for this week is Emotion, decide for yourself what that means for you"

Everyone cleared their things away and left, leaving Hanji and I in the room

"Emotion huh, I like it. such an open topic, I'm probably going to go for something that expresses the emotion of happiness. Try to brighten up this dismal town" Hanji mused as she zipped up her backpack and slung it over her shoulder.

I looked down at the lyrics already written across my paper. What emotion does my song warrant?.

"Levi? you ready?"

I glanced up, my blue eyes meeting hers I gave her a half hearted smile and shook my head

"I want to finish this song first, mind if you go on ahead? I'll meet you guys in a bit"

sighing she brushed her Hair behind her ear and made her way to the door. I watched as Hanji made her leave but she stopped at the door and glanced back over her shoulder

"I admire your passion to finish what you start Levi, you've always been the same. can't move on to something else until what your battling is won" she paused for a moment and turned her head back out towards the empty corridor " I'll see you in a bit"

" you know, I've never won the battle"

Hanji stayed in the doorway for a few moments more before taking her leave, the conversation still lingering in the air.  
I always had a knack for darkening the mood, its not that I mean to, its not that I want to. It's who I am, A person who will always be broken. I can't see myself any other way, I'm that mirror you smashed with your fist that night you was angry at the world and I hang there on the wall as a constant reminder that it cant be fixed. The cracks are there to stay, like the lines drawn onto skin, the marks will always be there. Alone with my thoughts I picked up my pen and placed the tip of it to the paper but no words were formed. No idea's, no inspiration. Just a blank space.

A loud bang pulled me harshly out of my thoughts and I whipped my head towards the source of the noise. My eyes landed on Eren who was leaning against the now closed door his eyes firmly shut. My gaze danced over his form as he combed a shaky hand through his hair. He clearly hadn't noticed my presence, but how did he not see me when he come bursting into the classroom?. my eyes wandered down his body, he looked tired and deflated leaning back against the door. His body jerking with slight tremors every so often. He didn't look well.

"Are you okay?"

I asked making the boy jump in surprise, His eyes locked onto mine, shock and something unreadable just starting to vanish from his face. Emerald green eyes. That's what they were, a vibrant colour, burning brightly. I've never seen such beautiful eyes before easily more amazing than anything I've ever seen. Even from this distance I could see the golden ring outlining his Iris'.

Taking a deep breath he pushed himself off the door and graced me with a strained smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. sorry to come bursting in here like that"

I eyed him closely, he obviously wasn't fine anyone in their right mind could see that so I stood up from my seat at the table and walked over to Eren. When I neared him I opened my mouth to ask him if he was sure that he was alright but before I had a chance to say anything, I see his green eyes shut tightly once again, facial expression pulling down into a grimace. Clutching his head his body begin to tip and Barely having anytime to react his legs gave way, I lunged forward to grab him, catching his upper arm I eased his fall and lowered Eren to the ground. I had no idea what to in this situation so swallowing my own panic I crouched down so I could be level with him.

"Hey what's going on? you need me to get the nurse?"

Fighting to keep the worry out of my voice I then dropped onto my knees to get a better look at Eren. He now had his head tucked in between his legs, shoulders rising and falling as he breathed in and out deeply. I didn't know what was wrong or what to do so I just sat there with him. watching in worry and curiosity. Its seemed like a lifetime had passed when he finally looked up. He offered no explanation, nor did he say anything. He simply sat there, staring into my eyes. Leaving my question unanswered.

The silence wasn't an uncomfortable one but I wanted to know what the bloody hell just happened so I decided to break it.

"What just happened?"

The sound of my voice seemed to pull him out of his daze, he shook his head a little then sighed

"I got a little light headed and dizzy but I'm okay now. No need to worry" he beamed, and I would have believed him if it wasn't for the bags that sat under his eyes and his unnaturally pale skin but who am I to poke my nose in? so I smiled at him in return and stood up, reaching a hand out, Eren accepted the help and was soon on his feet, a little wobbly but still standing.

"If you say your okay then I wont push for you to tell me otherwise but take it easy yeah? I don't fancy coming across your crumpled form on the floor in the hallway"

He snorted and smirked at me " Okay mother" he paused for a second then looked me straight in the eyes, a sincere smile playing across his features

"Thank you. for well you know staying with me and that"

By the time he had finished talking his head was bowed down towards the ground, a slight blush dusting over his cheeks.

"Its fine, will you stop staring holes into the floor?"

He seemed taken aback by my words but soon enough his eyes trailed up my body and fixated on my own  
"How beautiful" he mumbled almost incoherently, realizing what he said out loud the small blush that graced his features intensified and in a fluster the boy started to walk towards the door, still slightly out of it he stumbled a few times before reaching the doorframe. I was stood dumbfounded as I watched him make his leave, but then he stopped. without turning around Eren cleared his throat and spoke up

"Thanks again"

And with that. He was gone.

Beautiful? did he call me beautiful? there's nothing about me that's even remotely considered attractive yet alone such a word as beautiful.

Looking back at the table I was sitting at before, I eyed the blank piece of paper still sitting there waiting to be written on. Sighing I went back over to the desk and cleared away my things, I probably only have a little while left of my lunch so I might as well go now and get some food in my system before I get lectured by Sam yet again about how having a healthy and balanced diet is essential to a healthy mind and body, so skipping out on meals is not something I should make a habit of. Chuckling to myself at the memory of the ten minute long rant she went on a few weeks back I made my way to the lunch hall.

"Levi over here!" came Petra's booming and overly excited voice. Oh Joy.

I waved at the group. Hanji was sitting at the end of the table with an empty seat next to her, she smiled and patted it gesturing for me to take a seat. I smiled in return and quickly glanced across the table full of people. Petra was sat opposite Hanji her short honey hair pulled back in a loose pony tail. she was looking over her shoulder smiling brightly at me. Her Brown eyes glistening with joy, that never seemed to leave her. she was a nice girl with a bubbly personality she got on well with Hanji. Then my eyes flickered to the right of her, where Moblit was seated he offered me a small smile when I sat down. I was well aware of the little crush he had on Hanji and honestly I couldn't think of a better person for her. He was a sweet understanding guy who wasn't too loud or obnoxious but had a witty sense of humour and he's probably the closest thing to a friend to me other than Hanji. He had blonde hair, blue eyes and a small mole on his cheek. Moblit was Tall, literally a mountain compared to me. He had a average build. Sitting next to him was Annie She had bright blonde hair that she always tied up into a neat bun. she had brilliant blue eyes and was extremely beautiful with a heart of a lion, you didn't want to get on the bad side of her. Although she kept to herself and didn't really converse with anyone other than Petra she would always help those in need. Annie was also a music student, her voice was amazing.

"took you long enough" Hanji teased poking a grape at my face "Now eat"

I didn't see Eren at Lunch. I wasn't surprised by this considering I never see him during lunch anyway but I felt, something. Disappointment maybe? I wanted to ask him about earlier that day. I wanted to know if he was okay but what I wanted to know the most was what he meant when he looked straight into my eyes and allowed the word 'beautiful' to tumble gracefully from his soft looking lips. I know what he said and I know what the word meant but what I didn't understand was how he could have possibly directed it at me.

Beautiful, what defines the meaning of that word really? beauty can take many forms but its something that's never made itself known in the world that I live in, I find it hard to see such wonders in a place like this. where disease, crime and money rule the world. Rules our existence. One finds it hard to believe in such a word as beauty. It has little meaning these days. So that's why it's shocked me so much, not that he merely said the word. I've heard it flung about enough times but it was always void of the real emotion behind it, the real meaning lost to the speaker it came from yet what shocked me was the sincerity in Eren's voice when he said it, he looked at me like a piece of art, he looked straight into my soul and didn't recoil at what he laid his eyes upon. Instead he told me It was beautiful, the expression he wore in that moment was just like the one I see lay softly upon his skin when he stood in the rain, how can he recognise beauty in something so damp and depressing. What could he see that I couldn't?.

Sighing I pulled the hood of my plain black jumper over my head and tugged the thin fabric over my hands in a fruitless attempt to stop the frozen air from nipping at my fingers. I was stood just outside the music block waiting for Hanji to join me on my walk home from college. Neither of us lived far but the walk was always unpleasant due to shadefords dismal weather. Ever since my encounter with Eren at lunch my mind had been anywhere but where I wanted it to be, the rest of the day in itself was uneventful and continued on as usual but I couldn't stay focused, he was on my mind.

"you ready to go?" Hanji said when she finally appeared beside me I scoffed as I pulled the sleeves of my hoodie tightly encasing my numb fingers in a unsatisfactory amount of heat

"No Lets stand around for another few minutes and wait for my body to freeze over, it wont be long now"

Hanji rolled her eyes and shoved me forward in a playful manner "Less moaning more moving"

We started heading toward the gates when Hanji tugged at my left arm "Hey isn't that Eren over there?"

I glanced over and spotted a messy mop of brown hair, I nodded "Yeah it is"

we watched him for a few minutes, Eren just stood there it looked like he was staring at something but because he was turned away from us I couldn't make out what it was. It took me a few moments to realise that he was taking a picture, what of? I couldn't tell you nothing that I could see seemed worthy of a photograph

"should we go over there and ask him if he wants to walk home with us?" Hanji suggested, not even giving me a chance to answer as she started walking towards him

"he might not live in the same direction as us" I somewhat yelled as I jogged to catch up to her

"Well there's no harm in asking, besides this town is tiny there's not many places to live so chances are he lives fairly close to us. you know like most of the students here"

I shrugged in response, she's right, this place is small everyone lives close enough to the college that nobody needs to take a bus. everyone is usually within walking distance.

when we reached the brown eyed boy, Hanji tapped him on the shoulder causing Eren to flinch slightly in surprise, he recovered quickly and turned around. I see recognition flood his eyes and he smiled at us politely

"your Eren right?" Hanji asked returning his smile with her own

"The one and only" he beamed

"Well Eren I'm Hanji and this one here is Levi, we was wondering if you wanted to walk home with us?"

He seemed shocked by the invitation, his eyes flickered to me then back to Hanji a small smile gracing his features

"sure that would be nice, where do you two live?"

"laketon way, by that big field with the cute little park and lake" Hanji explained

"oh that's great I walk through that park to get home" Eren said, He slid his phone into his pocket and re positioned his rucksack on his shoulder "Thanks for the offer guys"

Hanji nudged me harshly in the ribs, I shot her a glare but I sighed when I looked her in the eyes they were screaming 'say something'  
I rolled my eyes and let out a small huff

"Your welcome"

He simply smiled in response and we started back towards the gate.

"So what was you taking a picture of?" I asked, I see Hanji smile to herself, She was happy that I was starting a conversation rather than just ignoring his existence like I usually did when she invited people to tag along with us.

"The tree"

I raised my eyebrow at him "The tree? why?"

His beautiful eyes drifted up to my face and puffed out a small laugh at my confusion

"I'm an Art student and I like to take pictures of things I find beautiful so I can use the images for inspiration when I draw" He stated simply and shrugged his shoulders slightly.

There's that word again. Beautiful, with my eyebrow still his on my forehead I questioned again "But that tree is old and dying" I watched as his gaze meet with the skyline, he allowed the corner of his lips to turn up slightly and without looking at me he spoke.

"That's what makes it beautiful".


	2. Suffocating

Eren's POV:

Five years, that's how long it's been. Five whole years since I've heard my mums voice, seen her smile... I miss her so much. She was taken from me, ripped away just like that right in front of my eyes. For a long time after her death I couldn't function. Each day went by and my life felt like a blur... I was so angry, angry at the world for continuing on like nothing had happened like my mother's death meant nothing and to many it didn't. Nobody knew of the boy who cried every night just wanting to feel his mom's embrace. Nobody cared.

My father crumbled under the stress and grief of loss and decided to take his life... He left me behind to grieve for the death of both my parents. I came home one day from school to find a note left on my bed. He told me he couldn't live without his wife, he told me he needed to see her again and the only way to do that would be to die, To meet her again and walk hand in hand to heaven's gates. He said he was sorry for leaving me and he hoped I could understand. He left that morning before I went to school and he never came back.

Life meant nothing to me, I was blinded by the darkness and broken by the silence, I wanted my family back I mean is that too much to ask for? am I that much of an undeserving person to be deprived of all my hope? all my happiness?.

My father left me at the age of twelve, I was put into care and expected to move on with my life when all I really wanted to do was die, but a women named Krista shone a light of hope down on me. she taught me that there is always light within darkness for if there was no black there would be no white. It took me five years to fully understand that and within those years she helped me back onto my feet and helped me discover my love for art and beauty. Now seventeen, I live in a small apartment in a little town named shadeford, Krista helped pay for my art course at college and I picked up a few jobs to pay for rent and food. I get some money from the government to aid me until I get a full time profession and for that I'm grateful. The most important lesson I've learnt in life is to always find the beauty in the world.

I'm not going to stand here and say that I'm over what happened or that I'm emotionally stable and healthy. Depression and anxiety are still a very real part of my reality but Krista once made me promise, she made me promise to her that id make it my goal to find and embrace something beautiful everyday and create a piece or art dedicated to the emotion I feel and I do it. To repay the woman who stopped me from drowning and although I still feel like I'm sinking I know that no matter what, I tried to stay afloat.

 

It's been a week since I moved into my new apartment, It's strange living alone after spending five years in a orphanage with about ten other kids, it feels empty. Krista stayed with me the first couple of days to help me adjust and even though she no longer sleeps round she promised to visit me during the week to see how I'm doing.

I'm currently sitting in the cafeteria at college with nothing to do. My class doesn't start till 1:00 yet here I am at 11:30 in the morning with a costa coffee. There's no point in trying to lie to myself I felt like I was suffocating in that tiny apartment and I just needed a distraction. Not that being here has made a difference.

Sighing to myself I look out the window, My eye catching an old tree just barely standing. Its branches twisting and curving around itself, drooping but still fighting to grow up towards the sky. Age and pain eating away at its attempt to reach for freedom. It was beautiful. My eyes flickered up towards to sky as small droplets of rain started to fall from the clouds and as the rain grew heavier so did my urge to stand underneath the shower.

Discarding my coffee cup in the bin I ran towards the doors and as they opened a gust of wind blew against me and flew around my body,dancing around my hair and kissing my skin. Coming to a stop I tilted my head up towards the sky. It reminds me of my mum, the rain. she always used to tell me when I was a child that when it rained it was a gift of life and growth from people who no longer roamed the Earth, ancestors from families all over the world would send down their love by crying, not out of sorrow or pain, but as a reminder that to cry is to be human.

A small smile graced my lips as my tears escaped from my closed eyes and slid effortlessly down my face and just like I used to say to her every time it rained I allowed the words to tumble from my mouth.

"The sky is crying again"

Taking a deep breath I sniffle and wipe away the remaining tears. Not many people understand me, people dont see the world for what it is but I do, Im not ignorant I understand that darkness is Indiscriminating it doesn't matter if your good or bad, young or old. A tragedy can happen to anyone at anytime.

I learmt that the hard way.

Its easy to feel like you have no control over life and the truth is you don't, no matter how put together you are there's always something that can rip down the walls you built and pull apart the life you took for granted. Its true what they say you know, You never truly miss something until its gone, we always want what we cant have.

I feel lost, I feel alone and I dont think that anything can change that. I can feel my chest tightning with every breath I take, I cant breathe.

Gripping at my arm tightly my nails dig into my skin. I need something to ground me and the pain helps me to focus on reality but I'm struggling to take a breath, I know what's happening. I'm starting to loose my grip, hope is slipping through my fingers. I don't want this, I don't want to feel this way. I'm breaking down.

Im loosing myself.

My legs are moving but I don't know where I'm going, I just need to walk. I need to run.

Something heavy connects with my arm and like a slap to the face the world comes back into focus, letting out a sharp breath I open my eyes, I'm looking down at the floor but I know I'm in a room. I don't trust myself to move so I simply close my eyes again and slump against the door.

"Are you okay?"

I jump at the sound of another voice in the room with me. I open my eyes and the land on a short raven haired boy on the otherside of the classroom.

Taking a deep breath I push myself off the door and force a smile.

"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry to come bursting in here like that"

His lips pull down into a frown and cocks his eyebrow, he clearly doesn't believe me. He gets up from his desk and starts walking over to me, a small trace of concern playing on his porcelain face. A sharp pain in my head makes me scrunch my eyes in discomfort and I can already feel my body tipping. I try to catch myself but it doesn't work and my legs give way, I brace myself for the Impact but it doesn't come instead Strong hands catch my shoulders and lower me down to the ground, I feel his body shift and the warmth of his form surrounds me, I want to lean forward and embrace him. To hold on to something and not let it go.

"Hey what's going on? You need me to get a nurse?"

No.. No please don't leave.

I shake my head slightly but I don't know If he noticed, I'm about to speak when my throat closes up and I can already feel a few stray tears escaping and running down my face. So I say nothing and just focus on breathing and willing the tears to stop.

After a while my butt starts to ache and I know I cant stay like this forever even though id like nothing more than to melt into the floor and save myself the embarressment of having to face the boy In front of me So with a deep intake of breath I lift my head to look at him. Our eyes lock and just like that the world around me is gone. Its just me and those stormy eyes.

He's looking at me with an unreadable expression and I cant help but want to reach out and run my fingers down his flawless skin. I trace his features with my eyes and soon enough they land on his icy blue ones. They remind me of early morning fog that rolls in during the winter.

I'm drawn to beauty and he's the most amazing thing I've laid my eyes upon.

"what Just happened?"

Ah right, the whole nearly passing out in front of him thing

"I got a little light headed and dizzy but I'm okay now. No need to worry" I say as I slowly ease my way up off the floor.

"If you say your okay then I wont push for you to tell me otherwise but take it easy yeah? I don't fancy coming across your crumpled form in the hallway"

I snort "Okay Mother" a small jolt of guilt runs through my body at the choice of my own words but I try not to dwell on it and I allow my eyes to flicker back up to his and smile at him gratefully.

"Thank you. For well you know staying with me and that" I look down in embarrassment but I really am Thankful, usually people freak out themselves when someone's in distress and it really doesn't help.

"Its fine, Will you stop staring holes into the floor?"

I felt my cheeks heat up even more and My eyes slowly trail up to his face again and I notice a slight smile playing on his lips. Wow how beautiful.

The raven seemed to stiffen then, and a very faint blush dusted across his face.. crap did I say that out loud?  
Well that's my Cue to leave. In a hurry I made my way to the door, Well this is just great, I broke down in front of him then I told him he was beautiful and now I cant even walk properly.. I need to find a rock and stay under it forever. When I finally reach the door I stop and awkwardly clear my throat and thank him again before leaving the room and hurry down the hallway.

During Art all I could think of were those stormy eyes.

At the end of the lesson my art Teacher Ymir told us that we had to go out and photograph something we found inspirational and bring it in for the next day. So here I am at the end of the day standing in the cold trying to get a decent picture of that old tree I spotted earlier on.

All of a sudden a finger poked into my shoulder and I jumped in surprise, whipping around my eyes landed on a frizzy haired girl with glasses and the short raven from earlier on, a smile stretched across my lips.

"you're Erin right?"

"The one and only"

"Well Eren Im Hanji and this one here is Levi, we was wondering if you wanted to walk home with us?"

Shocked by the invite but happy non the less my smile grew wider and I nodded

"sure that would be nice, where do you two live?"

"Laketon Way, by the big field with the cute little park and lake" Hanji explained

"Oh that great I walk through that park to get home" I beamed sliding my phone back into my pocket and adjusted my backpack. "Thanks for the offer guys"

Hanji smiled and Levi, well Levi kind of just stared at my face with an unreadable expression, I noticed Hanji elbow him harshly in the ribs he glared in response but his face dropped in defeat "Your welcome"

As we walked home Levi asked me a few questions but Hanji was the one to keep the conversation going. Hanji's Very bubbly and loud but not In an annoying way. Levi Didn't speak much but it was clear he listened to the conversation with interest.  
The main thing I noticed on the short walk home with these two was that they were extremely close friends. They bickered and bantered but It was clear they meant the world to each other.

They were just Like Mikasa and Armin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't all that long but I hope you enjoy it non the less.

Levi's Pov 

There was something about Eren, I could see it in his eyes, although they were vibrant and full of life they were also plagued by something. Most people would say he wore his emotions on his sleeve they way he allows his thoughts to play across his features freely but people who believe that those who can smile so honestly are happy, are wrong. You can laugh and smile with friends and family but still cry and breakdown when you're alone at night. I don't know Eren but I do recognise pain. Its clear he pretends to be an open book around others, its a selfless act to ensure other peoples happiness but it can cost you your own happiness if you never stop to take a minute and address your own issues, you start to drown under the pressure of shouldering both your own and others baggage. 

Eren seems lost like a ghost who doesn't know he's dead, floating about his old shell of a body and wondering what happened. Its never to late though, Not for the living, because Eren isn't dead he's alive and I can tell by the spark in his eyes that he wants to stay that way even If that flame grows weak sometimes, it always reignites. I remember believing that death would be the way to freedom but its not, not really because what you are doing is giving up your chances at happiness but worst of all you are giving up the chance to truly be free, To never know what love is, to never experience or even get a taste of your dreams, To die before you've lived. 

Like I said before I don't know Eren but I do recognise pain. I'm not going to say I'm certain. I could be completely wrong but I understand emotional pain and I've seen it take the life of one of my closest friends. I may not be the nicest most sociable person in the world but when it comes to depression or anxiety I understand and I would never turn my back on someone who is drowning even if all I can do is hold there hand as they take their last breath.

Pity does not help someone. Telling that person that it get better without offering them a guide line and a solution to reach that 'better life' you mentioned, will never help them, unless you are willing to take them by the hand and show them a way to something that might make them happy. Offering a real hand to help means more than a 'helping hand' you've only mentioned but never given. 

My life is boring, I hate where I am at the moment and I don't see anything special about this town but I know that there are other places out there and opportunities for a better life. I don't like to admit defeat. I am in control of my life and I get to decide where I go, what I do and what defines me as a person. I do not believe in sitting on my ass and moping about what could have been. I may lack a lot of things but the one thing I am, is a stubborn little shit and I don't take well to loosing. Especially to myself.

 

Walking home with Eren earlier went better than I expected, I picked up on a few sad vibes but he seemed more relaxed than I thought he'd be around Hanji especially as she's eccentric and loud. It was clear that he didn't want the walk home to end and something tells me Hanji picked up on that too, Eren better get used to the idea of this becoming an everyday thing, Which I'm sure he wouldn't mind one bit, not like me at all. When I first met Hanji she stuck to my arm like glue and just simply wouldn't bugger off, It drove me mad but after a while I got used to it and now I honestly don't think I could live without her insistent yapping and she'll do the same to him, although I think he could use the company considering I haven't seen him talk to anyone at college. 

A loud buzzing Catches my attention and pulls me out of my thoughts, sighing I reach over to the desk and grab it. 

Speak of the devil. 

"What on earth do you want? Its late" 

"Is it?..... Oh so it is wow It really is passed your bed time isn't it my little short stack, well just a quickie I want to ask Eren if he wants to eat lunch with us and walk home after college again tomorrow so I did some research and found out his last name so I could add him on Facebook.. Is that creepy? well anyway I want to add him but do you think it'll creep him out?" 

"At this point does it even matter what I say?" 

"What? sorry I just sent him A request, I don't think its crossing any lines, do you? ah well It doesn't matter now anyway what's done is done" 

"Hanji to be frank the line is pretty much a dot to you most of the time anyway so why would it be any different now"

"oh sweetie that dot you speak of has been a distant memory for a very long time anyway goodnight my little box of grumps" 

Before I even have a chance to reply the line goes dead, God I thought I told her to stop calling me that. 

Dragging myself to the shower I quickly undress. I'm about to jump in when I catch sight of myself in the mirror. My eyes follow a long scar that starts from the top of my hip and ends halfway down the side of my thigh. Tracing the white line with my finger I let out a puff of air. 

Sometimes I cant help but wonder what my life would be like now if things would have turned out differently that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading XD


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for this chapter. 
> 
> This chapter mentions self harm and attempted suicide so please don't read if this might distress you in any way. 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is pretty short but later chapters will start to get longer.

Eren's Pov

This apartment is too quiet and although I don't think I'll be getting used to the silence or the lonely air to this place anytime soon, both Levi and Hanji made me feel welcomed and even the loneliness that is trying to eat away at me cant get me down. Its been such a long time since I've managed to connect with people properly. The walk home was enjoyable and the conversation flowed easily and without those awkward silences that make you want to mould into the background. Its been a long time since I made friends, since Mikasa and Armin actually.

 

Armin, He was my little blonde coconut, my best friend and one big ray of happiness. We were going places, we had so many dreams. To see all the wonders of the world and live a life full of love and adventure. God were we ignorant back then but that was the beauty of it. Life held no worries or darkness, to us the world was pure and untainted by sadness. Of course life isn't one big fairy tale, its a rollacoaster that throws you about and tips you on your head and sure it can be fun at times but you can only go so high before you fall. At least I got to see an overhead view of what my life could have been. Armin's parents were natural explorer's and their jobs meant that they would have to move away and by age 9 they were packed and ready to go. I was happy for him I really was, he was going to see the world and all its beauty but I was also sad, sad that he'd be leaving me. At that point in my life I thought Armin moving away was the worst thing that could happen to me. I was so wrong. He promised he would stay in touch so I messaged him each day wishing him luck and telling him how much I missed him but he just never replied. 

 

Its been 8 years. I just hope that wherever he is, that he's happy and I hope the world was everything he wanted it to be. 

 

Armin wasn't the only person In my life that I loved dearly but slowly ended up loosing, there was also Mikasa, She was a strong and beautiful young girl who I met at the orphanage. I was in a bad place when I first moved in, during my first week I tried to end it all, I just couldn't bare the thought of never seeing my family again, never being able to sit by the Christmas tree and share crappy jokes from the crackers with my mum and dad. Never be able to kiss my mum goodnight or help my dad with his home projects. Everyone I had ever cared about got taken from me and I was tired of it all. I was petrified of growing up alone. That night I cut my wrists open and waited for the darkness to take me. 

 

Mikasa was the one to find me, she was the only one who I had spoken to at this point and she was to last person I wanted to find me, I considered her a friend and when I saw the panic and tears on her face guilt stabbed me in the gut and It made me realise that I didn't want to die, I couldn't, not when there was so much to live for. If I died I would be doing what my dad did and although I never held it against him I didn't want to be him, I didn't want to follow his actions and leave people that cared about me behind. If I had died that night I would have been doing exactly what I didn't want to happen to me. Mikasa had no one and the one friend she did have tried to rip himself from the world in front of her very eyes and That raw intense emotion of guilt overwhelmed my body and told me that deep down I didn't want to die. 

She saved my life. 

There's no sad ending to this story, not really. Mikasa found herself a home and we still talk from time to time but our lives have gone on different paths and although I miss her I know that she will always be there for me and I for her. 

As my eyes start to drift shut my phone comes to life. Picking it up I glance at the screen. 

A friend request from Hanji. 

I feel a small smile play across my lips and accept the request and as I lay my head down on the bed A small tear rolls down my face.   
Life has been unkind to me but I know that I'm not alone, so many people have gone through hell but still come out the other end fighting. well you know what they say.. 

If you're going through hell. Keep going.


	5. A Trip down memory lane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay where do I begin? 
> 
> I'm so sorry about the slow updates but my life decided to down six million sherbets and bounce off the walls.
> 
> Basically I got a Job! WOOO (My feet do not agree with this excitement) so I haven't had as much free time as I did before, I'm also going on Holiday on Thursday and I've been packing.... then unpacking and packing again because ya'know.... Paranoia's a Bitch. 
> 
> This chapter isn't very long and doesn't really focus on Eren and Levi's developing relationship. It will happen though! very soon! plus there will be more dialogue in future chapters I just like to pay attention to detail so I'm sorry if some of you are getting bored and want a bit of smutty/fluffy action. It will happen I promise but just remember that this fic is about Depression and overcoming it. There will be a Lot of angst but its not all doom and gloom, Its nice to have a change of pace however this chapter is not a happy one. 
> 
> I will try to upload one more chapter on Sunday before I go away for two weeks but fear not I will be back and uploading as soon as I get back.
> 
> Again thank you to all those who are going to stick with me till the very end of the fic. I'm making it a long one so hang in there.

Levi's pov: 

"You lied to me... You told me she would make it!"

 

"You promised" 

Last night was a long one, every time I closed my eyes all I could see were their faces. 

A few years ago I made a promise I couldn't keep and to this day I regret it. I made a judgment call and it turned out to be the wrong choice but those two words bought happiness and reassurance during a time of need and I was desperate to help.  
I wanted to believe it myself but Promising something you know you cant keep no matter how much you wish you could does not help anybody.  
False hope is just that... false. 

Isabel Was dying and Furlan was loosing himself. 

He asked me one day if I though Isabel would make it, He was a broken man who was loosing all hope. So I told him that Isabel was a fighter, would beat the cancer that plagued her and live a long and happy life. I gave him hope. I fed him lies. 

I didn't know what else to do, I wanted to believe what I was saying held truth and certainty but it didn't I knew she was dying, anyone with eyes could see that but Furlan couldn't, he refused to. 

I would find him staring at his reflection in the mirror with tears running down his face every night after her death. He would mumble to himself and completely ignore my existence, but one day he snapped.

Furlan had turned to me with hate in his eyes " You lied to me.. You told me she would make it" 

"I'm...I'm sorry" 

"You Promised... b-but that's okay because we're going to see Izzy again very soon. Don't you miss her Levi? We could see her again you know we... we just have to..." 

He pulled out a knife then, I didn't know where he hid it or if I just simply didn't notice. Sobs ripped from his throat as he lunged forward, I couldn't believe it was happening, Furlan had finally cracked. 

I don't remember much, Just a pain in my side and blood, So much blood. 

The last thing I saw was Furlan running the blade across his skin. 

A next door neighbour had called the police when she heard shouting and screaming. I hadn't even realised I had made any sound at all. 

Furlan died that night. 

Up until Isabel died I lived with her and her family. Susan and Ervin adopted me when I was 5. I never knew my parents and I never cared to find out. They probably had their reasons to give me up and I would never hold it against them if I were to meet them, sure it stung when I was younger I didn't understand why they didn't want me but Isabel's Family were kind and caring. They treated me like their son and in return I saw them as my parents.

When Isabel died and Furlan started to drown under the grief I started to spent more and more nights with him but In the end his emotional turmoil took him from us. 

Susan and Ervin decided that they wanted to get away from their hometown, it harboured to much sadness, Even when they looked at me I saw the pain in their eyes. I reminded them of the daughter they lost and slowly I started to believe that they resented me for it. It wasn't true, Ervin still loved me the same but I couldn't see that, Knowing I was alive and Isabel wasn't struck me hard and guilt started to eat away at me. I know now that there was nothing I could have done to save her but at the time all I thought about was how It should have been me and not her. 

When I was 15, one year after Isabel's death, Susan and Ervin announced that they would be splitting up. Susan couldn't deal with 'being around us anymore' she told us that we didn't understand. I wasn't Isabel's actual brother and Ervin didn't hurt ad much as her because he wasn't her real father. Non of it was true but she had convinced herself it was. I remember her telling me that she would love me unconditionally, It wasn't a lie at the time but when Isabel died so did her compassion towards anyone else and I don't think it was out of spite but out of fear. Its easier to push people away than to get close to them and have to worry for the safety. I can agree with her on that one. 

Besides Ervin and Hanji, I haven't gotten close to anyone. The past two years all I've cared about is keeping them safe and keeping them close. Ervin and Hanji are the only family I have left and I'm not letting them slip between my fingers like Isabel, Furlan and Susan had and now this bright eyed Brat has come along and I cant help but want to protect him too. 

The little shit better appreciate it or Ill shove it so far up that plump piece of ass he'll be shitting it out for weeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is just a short chapter that I felt like I really wanted to and needed to write before I go away on holiday. 
> 
> As always read with caution. 
> 
> I hope you like the chapter.

Eren's POV:

'So grab your black umbrella and make your way 

down to the graveyard 

Where you'll find the tree to which I tied this rope 

And nothing is for certain that's the only thing I know 

but I'm certain that it's time for me to go 

Its nothing personal, it simply hurts to know 

That I will be alone'

Its currently 4 in the morning and I haven't closed my eyes yet, I'm tired but I cant sleep. I Know I should at least try to considering I have college in the morning but I know I wont. There's something I need to do, Somewhere I need to be.

I want to visit her.

Its been five years and I don't miss her any less. I want her back, I want her here with me. Why did she have to die?  
I feel so alone.  
Why did Dad leave me?  
I need somebody to tell me it will all be okay.

I close my eyes again and try to focus on something else, anything else but I just... cant

I need a release, My skin feels too tight around my body, I feel pain shoot up my arm and I look down realising that I've been scratching at my skin to the point of making it irritated and bleed.  
I should probably go and clean the cuts.

I don't.

I'm walking down the street now. The cold air nips harshly at my skin and the early morning mist has my mind drifting to those stormy eyes belonging to an angry small person I met not too long ago.

Levi.

I find myself thinking that I wouldn't mind him being with me right now. For comfort. Hanji is lovely but she can get a bit much but Levi is calm and collected. He's sarcastic. Down to the point and he has a mysterious air to him. I love it.

He's Like my own personal distraction.

Well I'm here, at her grave.

"God I miss you so fucking much. I miss your smile, your voice, your everything. I never even got to say goodbye. I didn't even get to tell you how much you meant to me! I never got to tell you how much I loved you...  
I love you mum... I love you so much."

Dropping to my knees I bow my head down and sob. The wind whips around me and the coldness makes my tears feel warm as the slide down my cheeks.

I don't know how long I've been here, so I glance at my phone.

Its only six. My shoulders relax slightly and I sit down cross legged. I feel close to her when Im here, almost as If i can feel her around me. It makes the loneliness disappear, if only for a while.

I hear footsteps then and before I have a chance to look behind me a hand is suddenly on My shoulder.

"Carla... was she your mother?"

I know that voice.

"Levi?"

I look up then through red rimmed eyes and I see a slightly concerned Levi looking back down at me. He kneels down and swipes his thumb across my cheek, removing the stray tear that escaped.

"Yeah, she died five years ago... I miss her" I stop for a second and watch as Levi sits down beside me, He frowns slightly at the floor once he's sat and glares at a piece of mud that's attached to his shoe as If it had personally offended him. He lets out a 'tch' before flicking it off with his finger.

Then I realise something. If he's here does that mean he was visiting a loved one as well?

"If you don't mind me asking... what are you doing here at six in the morning? are you visiting someone?"

A flash of pain appears in his eyes but its gone just as quickly as it came and he scoffs

 

"No I thought Id just come to enjoy the fucking view"

 

I look down and say nothing, Its clear he's hurting and I'm not surprised he snapped at me slightly.

"I'm sorry"

I'm still looking at the ground when I feel a hand on my shoulder

"Don't be, I shouldn't have taken such a harsh tone with you, especially In front of your mother. Its disrespectful"

I nod slightly in thanks and I notice that he scoots closer to me and presses against my side, I look at him in confusion but enjoy the contact non the less.

"I'm not one for closeness but its cold" He reasons before becoming silent.

And that how we stay, I look down at My mum and smile. I love you.

'And someday you will go 

far away from me 

But you'll be coming home 

To light up everything

We were made to be human 

and though sometimes we bleed 

you're the only thing I've seen 

With beautiful angel wings'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Song at the beginning of the chapter was 'Between the roses' by SayWeCanFly and the song at the end is 'You may live on Earth' by SayWeCanFly also. 
> 
> They are beautiful songs and defiantly worth a listen to any who are interested.


	7. Chapter 7

Levi's POV: 

Its cold out today... Its cold out every fucking day. Each gust of wind is like a slap in the face, A slap back into reality. I'm standing in the middle of a graveyard at god knows what time in the morning freezing my ass off but I couldn't sleep. I needed to see Isabel. So here I am. 

My eyes scan the graveyard, there's nobody in sight. Not a living soul. Some people say graveyards are a beautiful and calming places personally I don't see that at all. This is where the dead sleep, its a place of remembrance and sorrow, that's how I see it anyway. 

As the clouds roll in and the mist thickens I bury my hands within my pockets and close my eyes and all I can picture are these piercing green eyes staring straight into my soul. At first I thought I was imagining the eyes of Isabel but as I slowly started to pay more attention to detail I realised who those eyes belonged to.  
Eren.. and as if on cue I opened my eyes and they landed upon a mop of brown hair making its way through this godforsaken place. I'm not proud to say that my heart sank at seeing Eren here. Many people loose loved ones during their time on earth but somehow seeing that Brat solemnly walk towards a grave made my heart twist in agony. I couldn't see his face from this distance but I already knew the emotion that would be weighing down upon his sun kissed skin. So with that playing in my mind I make my way towards him. 

when I near him I hear him speaking so I decide to stop. I don't want to interrupt him. 

"God I miss you so fucking much. I miss your smile, your voice, your everything. I never even got to say goodbye. I didn't even get to tell you how much you mean to me! I never got to tell you how much I loved you..." 

Hearing those words put bullets in my heart. Hearing his pain through meaningful words and heart wrenching sobs nearly bought me to my knees. I knew his pain all too well and at that moment all I wanted to do was grow wings and fly him away to a place where pain and sorrow is forbidden but life is messy. Its big, Its bad and its ugly and there's nothing you can do about that. The world will keep spinning and will leave those who cant keep up behind. 

"I love you mum...I love you so much" 

And there it was.. the identity of the poor soul who lay beneath the ground of which we stand upon now. Eren had lost his mum.. A person that is held closest to your heart and helps you to grow into the person you become. A person who clearly meant more than the world to him.   
My eyes slowly drift towards the name on the stone. Carla Jaeger, age 35.   
I feel my chest tighten with guilt. Guilt for standing behind Eren as he poured his soul out and cried for his mum. I invaded something that was supposed to be a private moment between and boy and his mother. Yet I don't walk away. I cant. 

I feel my lips moving before I can stop myself

"Carla... Was she your Mother?"

I know the answer to that but he doesn't need to know just how long I've been standing here.

His whole body jerks slightly in surprise when my hand lands on his shoulder and my voice reaches his ears but sure enough recognition sets in along with confusion.

"Levi?" 

He looks up at me then. His face tired and haggard. His skin wearing exhaustion a man of in his 90's. He looks so.. so broken. 

My eyes catch sight of a tear rolling down his cheek and I carefully run my thumb over it. I cant stand to see the pain rolling down his face. 

"Yeah, she died five years ago... I miss her" 

Many people would be saying the words "I'm so sorry for your loss" right about now but I know from experience that does nothing and means little so I simply say nothing and sit down beside him, trying my utmost to ignore the dirt and germs I am currently sitting on. 

Its silent. Not uncomfortable silence just simply peaceful silence. 

"If you don't mind me asking... what are you doing here at six in the morning? are you visiting someone?"

Annoyance and pain seep into my skin at those words. Of course I fucking am. I don't come here to look at the flowers "No I thought id just come to enjoy the fucking view" 

My voice sounds bitter and harsh, I regret it almost instantly when Eren looks down at the floor clearly hurt by my words.   
"I'm sorry"   
with guilt weighing down on me I lift my hand up and place it back on his shoulder.   
"Don't be, I shouldn't have taken such a harsh tone with you, especially in front of your mother. Its disrespectful"   
He nods at me but says nothing more, Shuffling closer, Our shoulders bump slighting and when I look up I notice amusement and slight confusion dance within those emerald eyes   
"I'm not one for closeness" I say "But its cold". 

 

He doesn't respond to that just simply presses further into me and a small sigh escapes his lips. My mind wanders back to my first actual encounter with Eren alone. The day in the music room. 

"Hey Eren?" 

"hm?" 

"Are you okay?" I was planning on asking him what was really going on that day but for some reason those words fell from my chapped lips instead. Though shocked by my own words I knew the true weight of the question. I wasn't asking him if he was okay at this very moment in time. No, I was asking him If he was coping. If he was getting by each day or if he was slowly sinking and he knew it too. 

Eren looked at me. His lips pulled down into a frown and just like that the tears fell from his eyes and drowned his face in sorrow 

"No" he whispered. 

"Oh Eren" I murmured as I pulled him close and secured my arms around his frail and skinny form. His whole body shook with agony his fingers gripped at my hoodie and pulled it within tight balled up fists, and so we sat, Eren curled up beside me head buried in the crook of my neck. Almost silent whispers of comfort and small yet comforting touches were shared between us. 

Eren's tears slowly stopped and his breathing evened out. Driven to the point of exhaustion. 

As I sit here combing my fingers through his hair I cant help but allow a small smile to tug at my lips. Even though were broken. We fell from the same shattered mirror and I know from here on out that Eren will be a permanent part of my life and somehow I don't resent that thought at all... no I welcome that fact with open arms. Having him curled up against me feels right like it was just meant to be and it scares me slightly knowing that no matter what I do I wont be able to build my walls high enough to keep Eren out but its also a nice feeling to put my trust in his hands. 

Trust is a fragile thing that shouldn't be given to people without consideration. Trust is vulnerability and that's not something that's easy to show a person but somehow I know that Eren doesn't have the heart to play around with the emotions of others. He barely has a grasp on his own. 

As we sit there my eyes wander down to the grave In front of me and when my gaze finally comes to rest on the stone in front of my I cant help but be reminded of our humanity. 

People Live then people die. That's it, that's the big picture. You live so you can die nothing more and nothing less. The only thing that makes us hard to grasp that truth in all its morbid glory is a little thing called Emotions that were thrown into the mix. People are fragile and should be treated with care. Some know the hard truth of the world and some are ignorant to it and delude themselves to the painful truth that is life. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. Death is still coming for you and that my friends is the cold hard truth. Some people will cry at the thought and some people with welcome it with open arms, In fact I'm willing to bet that everyone has gone through a point in their life when they have welcomed the thought of death. Even if only for a second because with life comes struggle and with struggle comes stress and this is all because of emotions. we cant control it though never have and never will but what do you expect? 

we're only human


	8. Chapter 8

Eren's POV:

 

It's around 7:30 when Levi and I decide to make our way to college, I thought it be slightly awkward after what had happened this morning and that I had fallen asleep on him but it wasn't, not even slightly. As we walk my eyes dance across the skyline, it's cold and it looks as though it's going to rain but I smile. Even when the sun is nowhere to be seen and the blue sky is clouded by misery I know that the light is still there.. I just simply can't see it.

Levi must have noticed my smile because he nudges me gently "Did I seriously just catch you smiling at the fucking clouds?" his voice is light, filled with curiosity and amusement. My eyes never leaving the sky I nod.

"tch, weird Brat"

laughing I finally look over at him "I'm not a Brat but I won't deny that I'm weird"

Levi doesn't respond and We walk in comfortable silence. It's been a long time since I've walked beside someone and didn't feel alone. Even though Levi isn't one to spark up a conversation his presence alone makes me feel warm and welcome, despite his cold exterior. I don't know when, how or why but all of a sudden we're walking hand in hand, I chance a glance at Levi but all I see is an emotionless mask staring ahead, well that's what I thought until I notice a faint blush dusted across his high cheek bones and I find myself chuckling. He looks fucking adorable right now.

"shut up" he mumbled and squeezes my hand a little tighter. My whole body feels like it's on fire. I don't exactly understand why we're holding hands or why I feel like this but I wont question it... not now, not when I'm craving physical touch and reassurance.

.... and then it clicks, Levi is holding my hand because he knows this, he can read me like a book and I have to admit that's a little scary. Levi knows that I'm in need of comfort... just not through words. So he's holding me in an attempt to show me that I'm not alone anymore. I have him, I have Hanji.

An unspoken agreement between us is made, We have each other's back now.

When we reach the college gate, Levi retracts his hand. I frown at the loss of the other's touch but say nothing. He stops us, then and puts his hand on my shoulder, effectively turning me to face him properly.

"I'm going to say this now I want you to listen, I don't let people in. I hate the thought of trusting someone other than Hanji..." My heart begins to sink at the words but I feel myself nodding. "But... I'm willing to try with you, Eren... Just don't give me any reason to doubt you. Once I let someone In I won't let go unless that person want's me to. I don't turn my back on the friend's I have and I won't do it to you, as long as you can do the same... I can't deal with watching people I care about walk out of my life"

It's subtle but it's there, A very small glimpse into his life. He's been hurt and he's lost people he's cared for. I understand the emotion that is swirling in those eyes of his.

"I promise Levi, I promise I won't leave you"

Hurt... No, Agony pulls at his porcelain face and he looks down at the ground "No, Eren don't promise something like that. Don't make promises you can't keep, Understand?, You may not intentionally leave but... there are certain things that are out of our control, I'm sure you understand that more than most. So just.. say you'll try not that you Promise"

Fear doesn't look right on Levi, yet there it is... He's afraid to loose people he lets in, I don't know why, at least not right now. I just hope he feels like he can trust me enough to tell me one day, I won't push, there are things I'm not ready to talk about myself.

Silence falls over us again but this time the atmosphere is dark and Levi still hasn't looked up, so taking a chance I put my hand on his cheek and lightly pull his face up to meet my gaze.

"Levi, I'll do my best to always be here"

... He smiles, not a big, teeth showing smile, just a small curl of the lips "Thanks Brat"

I snort at that "Wow, way to ruin the moment there"

"It's my speciality"

Before I have a chance to reply, my phone buzzes to life, actually scaring the shit out of me. Fumbling to pull it out of my pocket I catch Levi smirking at my struggle.. great.

Finally getting a grip on the phone, I answer the call and place it to my ear "Hello?"

"Eren? It's me Krista... Listen can I.. well sweetie you see..."

Something's wrong... "Krista?"

"I know I'm supposed to coming round next week but would you mind If I came tonight? we need to talk about some... things" Krista sounded hesitant and unsure of herself, Alarm bells were ringing in my head but I knew now wasn't the time to freak out and bombard her with questions, she seemed stressed enough as it is.

It took a moment to find my voice "...Of course, I'll see you later"

silence.

"Eren... don't worry about it too much okay?"

"okay.. bye"

"goodbye sweetie"

....

"Eren?.. You okay?"

Shit, I forgot Levi was standing there the entire time... My hands were shaking and I could already feel my composure leaving me. I've had too many phone calls that have sounded just like that before, they always lead to hurt and pain.

I feel two gentle hands rest upon either side of my face "Hey, Listen to me okay? whatever just happened, I'm here, Hanji's here. You don't have to suffer through this alone this time okay? You can tell me or don't, it doesn't matter, I'm here anyway"

I let out a long breath and look up into his eyes, those eyes... beautiful. I need to draw them, I need to calm down and do something. I want to draw his eyes.

"Levi?"

"hmm?"

"Can I draw your eyes?" My face instantly burns up when a look of pure confusion takes over Levis usually stoic expression. That did sound a little strange.. "I-I know it sounds weird but... I need a distraction right now and y-your eyes are so beautiful... So erh Can I?"

Of all the responses I could possibly get... I did not expect this one.

Levi's Lips are on mine... but before I even have a chance to react he pulls back.

"Shit I.. I shouldn't have-" I'm having none of that though and In a quick movement I grab his shirt and pull him close, Lips ghosting over his.

"Shut up and Kiss me"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Levi's pov:

 

Closing the gap between us, our lips connected and sparks flew through my body, With my heart pounding in my ears I clutched at Eren's sides and dragged him closer. As his body pressed up against me, the whole world disappeared and all I could focus on was Eren. Our lips moved slowly against each others, taking our time to explore the other, there was no rush, no desperation because we were here, this was happening and I didn't want it to end. All the tension in my body trickled away with each passing second, I felt something warm spread through my chest and the realization hit me, I was happy.

Pulling away slightly, my eyes found his and a smile pulled at his lips. I don't know how to explain it, really. For a split second I felt.. I felt as though I was flying, Free from this Town, free from this cage surrounding me. Those eyes, the ones belonging to the sun kissed boy in front of me, they bought me something that I lost a long time ago, they bought me hope.

My last hope to feel free and strong. If anyone could change the world for the better it would be Eren.

A small pressure on my left cheek bought me out of my own mind, Eren's thumb was delicately running up and down the side of my face, his eyes following the movement.

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen" he murmured

I wish this moment would last forever, I feel like we are surrounded by light and nothing can dim it, that the darkness can't touch us but I know that Life isn't that simple, sometimes it leaves you broken, in the dark, listening to nothing but the sound of silence.

 

but at least now I don't have to face my Demons alone and neither does he.

 

We stood there for a moment longer, until I felt a pair of eyes on us. Turning my head, I found Hanji standing a little way away, smiling warmly to herself, that was, until she noticed that I was looking at her and in a split second the tranquil atmosphere that Eren and I had established was broken and a high pitched noise echoed through the still, mostly empty campus. Hanji bounded over to us and flung her arms over both of our shoulders, cackling like the fucking crazy maniac that she is.

 

"That was the most adorable thing ever! oh my god, my little box of grumps smiled!. Oh Eren you need to snap a picture the next time that happens, only once in a blue moon I tell ya."

 

"Shut up Shitty glasses"

 

Hanji began laughing even louder if that's even bloody possible and to my shock and horror, Eren started to laugh to.

 

"Oh jesus, don't encourage it"

 

The banshee finally calmed down slightly and pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose and wiped a stray tear from her eye "Anyway, I'm sure you guys need to have a little chat about what just went down, I mean I think it's pretty clear that you guys need to like, ya know get together, date, smooch and have plenty of the sexy time, Now before Levi kills me for making his cute little face heat up like a sun burnt tomato, I'm gonna dash"

Eren, the little shit, giggled and waved goodbye to the now prancing twit, making her way to the music block. clearing my throat, Eren quieted down and soon enough his whole body screamed nervousness.

Awkward silence fell over us. It went on for about two minutes until I sighed and brought my hand to the back of my neck "As much as I hate to admit it, Shit for brains had a point"

Eren nodded "Yeah she did, I mean I... I like you, A lot and I know that may sound strange considering we've only really been hanging out for about, what two weeks? but I.."

"Eren"

"I understand if that's a bit much, I mean I know we just... kissed but if you regret it or something an-"

"Eren, will you go out with me?" 

.....

"yes, Levi I would love that"

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding, when I looked back up at Eren though, he had a frown pulling at his lips, he must have noticed my gaze because he flashed me a grin and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I was just thinking about how great it's going to be to tell Krista, She's my social worker, that I have a boyfriend but when I thought about her, it reminded me of the phone call earlier on, she sounded stressed and... unsure"

frowning myself, I grabbed Eren's hand and tugged him closer to me "Hey, listen to me okay? It may not mean much but I'm here now, Whatever it is, you can talk to me. Hanji as well okay? we will help you in any way we can"

Eren snorted then, something I really did not expect him to do. At my confusion Eren chuckled slightly

"I'm so sorry but I just realized that I don't even have your number and we're now dating"

Oh... I forgot about that.

Reaching into his pockets, he pulled out his phone and extended his hand "Here, put your number in my phone and i'll message you, so you can add me to your contacts"

Taking it and quickly tapping in my number I handed it back.

No sooner than Ten seconds later my phone buzzed, retrieving it, I looked down at the message. A small smile creeping it's way onto my thin lips.

 

'It means more than you know'


	10. Chapter 10

Eren's POV:

I'm trapped, I'm alone. Where am I?. My eyes scan the walls surrounding me, they stand tall and firm as if scraping the skyline. Fear grips onto me Like a black cloak, distorting my vision and blocking away the light. There are buildings here, Old and crumbling. They look battered and abused, some with caved in walls and rooftops. Rubble littering the floor. As I look around, my eyes fix upon a stain, a red splotch tainting the ground... Is that blood? I don't remember seeing that before.

I feel something drip onto my shoulder, then. I look down and notice small droplets of blood begin to appear on my clothes. Where is it coming from? Am I bleeding?.

Another drop on the head and I know it's not me.. It's something.. above me?

 

Hesitantly My head fall back as I look up towards the sky, What I find dangling over me, takes the air from my lungs and the blood drains from my face.

 

A beast... No a man the size of a building is crouching over me... there's... there's somebody hanging from it's mouth.

 

Frozen In fear, recognition floods over me. A crushing weight of grief crippling me to my knees... It, It can't be real. No.. please, not again!

 

"Mum"

 

My face twists in pain as tears spill from my eyes "No! Mum! LET HER GO! DON'T TAKE HER FROM ME AGAIN! PLEASE"

 

I reach out to her in an attempt to pull her from it's teeth. The thing before me lowers its head, as if granting me my wish. Our hands brush and her eyes open slightly.

 

"Eren, my boy. I've missed you"

 

"Mum.. Mum I'm going to get you out okay? I'll kill it if I have to.. just don't leave me again"

 

"Oh, sweetie. You will see me again. You just have to wait a while longer"

 

"No! what do you mean by that! you're here now!"

 

Just like that the beast snatches her fingertips from my grasp and he stands tall.

 

He clamps down.

 

Blood showers over me, my eyes grow wide and a scream rips from my throat

 

"No... GIVE HER BACK"

 

And in some sick twisted pleasure, He grants me my wish. A grotesque smile stretching across its skinless body, her lower half falls.

 

She lands at my feet in a pile of her own blood. Eyes closed as the blood pools around her face, her hair floating in the crimson sea of sorrow. I stand there, unable to move, to even look away. I.. Can't breathe, my heart is breaking and my lungs are failing. Loneliness consumes me, I've lived a life of pain and fear and as my body hits the ground, one last tear rolls down my cheeks, I'll die the same way... for we must all face death alone.

Gasping for breath, my head shoots up. Tears are blurring my vision, I feel disorientated as a pair of hands clasp my shoulders.

 

"Hey, calm down. It was just a dream.. come on snap out of it the whole class is worried about you"

 

Blinking away the blur, My eyes land upon Ymir, my art teacher. she sighs and stands up.

 

"You okay now kid?" 

 

she sounds annoyed but I can see the sympathetic look In her eyes and I hate it. My eyes scan the room, everyones looking at me, I half expected them to be laughing at me but they all seem worried. I say nothing, trying to process the dream and the situation I'm in now.

 

This morning I was at the graveyard, I got a phone call from Krista, I kissed Levi, I now have a boyfriend, I went to class, I fell asleep and I had a nightmare in front of everyone and now I just want to go home a curl up into a ball. They may not be laughing but it's still embarrassing.

 

"Eren, go home. You need to get enough sleep so you don't end up falling asleep during a lesson again"

 

Wordlessly I get up, gather my things and leave the room. Pulling out my phone I send a message to Levi.

 

'Don't worry about waiting for me after college today, I've been sent home early'

 

pulling out my earphones I plug them in and slide my phone into my pocket.

Music surrounds me as I walk home.

 

'Can't look back, they will not come back

Can't be afraid, but time after time

It is like a nightmare and it's pain for me

Because nobody wants to die too fast'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard this song a few days ago, Amanda Lee's voice is so amazing! And I thought these particular lyrics fit well with this chapter. As always I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that I haven't been able to update in awhile, A lot of things came up all at once. 
> 
> Trigger warning for this chapter.

Levi's POV:

 

'Don't worry about waiting for me after college today, I've been sent home early'

A sinking feeling, that's what it is. A painful worry setting deep within my bones, It's 10:00 in the morning. Still the beginning of the day and Eren is going home? I'm pretty sure that the whole class wasn't dismissed so why is Eren going home?. Hanji seems to notice my concern and she leans in to whisper in my ear, trying not to the draw the attention of our music teacher whilst he explains our next project.

"Who you texting? In lesson no less, is it Eren? How is he? I mean You look positively perplexed my friend, everything okay?"

"Don't stick that oversized nose where it doesn't belong and listen to Pixis " I hiss at her, she merely sniggers in reply and sits back up, effectively leaving my personal bubble and tuning herself back into the lesson. Rubbing my thumb across a smudge on my phone screen I sigh and text a quick 'Are you okay?' then slide my phone back into my pocket.

I can already tell that today is going to be one long ass fucking piece of shit day.

Mother of god, make this day fly.

 

Its officially the end of the day and Thank fuck for that. Eren has been on my mind for the better part of , I don't know since I first found my eyes taking in his beautifully sun kissed skin? and Not knowing if he's okay Is driving me up the wall. He never replied to my text and I already know that somebody rang him earlier in the day, no doubt giving him bad news.

I want to go to him, see how he's doing but I have no fucking clue where he lives and I'm worried he won't tell me if I ring him and ask, heck he might not even answer the goddamn phone.

My phone buzzes to life then, scaring the crap out of me, might I add. All the air leaves my body when My eyes land upon the caller ID.. Eren.

"levi?" His voice sounds shaky and uneven, something is definitely wrong

"Are you okay?"

There's a brief pause before I hear Eren puff out a small chuckle, void of all humour.

"That depends, If I say yes will you believe me?"

"No"

"Can you come over? I'll text you my address. I... My social worker just left and She gave me some... bad news and I just really need a hug right now.... If you can't its fine, I probably sound so pathetic right now right? jesus we've only been dating a day and i'm already sticking to you like glue, fuck I'm sorry I think I should go"

"Eren"

"I mean how annoying could I possibly be right? fuck" I go to interrupt him again but his voice cuts off and a muffled sob comes through the speaker, shattering my heart into a million pieces

"Hey, Eren it's okay. You are not and I repeat not pathetic. Text me your address and I'll come round right now. I mean it Eren I want to be there for you. Let me do this, please?"

"You really are the best" he whispers "Thank you so much Levi"

There's something about the way he says my name then, the way it tumbled from his beautiful lips that made my whole body flush with heat.

This brat is going to be the death of me.

 

After about a Ten minute walk I'm standing just outside Erens apartment door, knocking lightly. A few minutes have passed and Eren still hasn't answered.

Maybe he's taking a shit and didn't hear me?

So I knock loudly and just as i'm about to ring him, a loud crash and muffled "fuck" makes me leap five feet in the air, I swear I flew for a second there... Peeling myself from the ceiling I compose myself just before the door swings open and a very disheveled, very Down looking Eren stares at me. He practically leaps into my arms but manages to trip on the blanket that was draped around his shoulders but is now a tangled heap around his feet and falls straight into me and sends us both flying to the ground.

Nothing is said for a few seconds until Eren exhales loudly next to my ear and scrambles to get away. In any other situation this would have been either extremely funny or the death of the person on top of me, It's neither in this case.

Eren is shaking, his shoulders are violently moving as he sobs, still trying to get away but failing miserably.

"Oh shit Oh shit I'm so fucking sorry! I fell on you!... fucking shit" He breathes out all in one go, I don't even register what he's said until my arms are tightly wrapped around his skinny form, my fingers running through his hair.

"Calm down. Stop apologising, it was an accident"

Silence overtakes us until I feel my clothes beginning to dampen under Eren's hands, I go to grab them but he pulls away sharply "Eren, what happened to your hands?"

He doesn't speak for a long moment but with tears streaming down his face he lets out a shaky breath and somehow manages to sink into himself "I wasn't going to, I swear I just.. I couldn't wait any more. I needed it, Please don't hate me Levi"

It takes me a few seconds to register what he means, It isn't his hands that are bleeding, it's his wrists.

Slowly I reach out and gently pull his hands towards me, I plant a kiss on his open palms, he doesn't do anything, just looks into my eyes with the most pained yet most loving look in his eyes.

"Why don't we talk about this in your Apartment.. I don't know If you've noticed but we are kinda laying in the doorway, It looks a little odd"

It may seem like I Shouldn't be trying to make light in a situation clouded by darkness but getting angry, Upset, concerned to the point of suffocation does not help. Treating them the same way but also with the knowledge of fragility is important. Looking and talking to them in an alien way is literally like slapping them in the face.

'I Know what you did and I'm going to treat you differently for it'. Its wrong.

He nods his head and before long we are sitting cross-legged on his sofa.

"would you like to tell me what happened, Eren?"

He sighs and pulls at his sleeves slightly, He goes to speak but then glances down at his wrists.

I wait patiently until he's ready and when he is, he looks me dead in the eyes and gives me a sad sort of smile, it's just a pull of the lips but it's still there

"Thank You for coming and thank you for sticking around, I was worried you would leave if you found out how fucked up I am"

"Never say that Eren, you are not fucked up. You are human and sometimes humans bleed"

His smile drops and his eyes are downcast "My social worker, krista came by today, She has practically been a mum and a dad all in one since they left. My mum died when I was 12 and my dad committed suicide a few weeks later. I got put into a foster home, I forgot how to live but she helped me and now... and now she's going to leave me too!"

I cannot put into words the pain he must be feeling right now, my heart is pounding and my eyes begin to burn slightly. It hurts to see him like this.

It fucking aches.

I pull him into a hug and stroke his hair "why is she leaving you Eren?"

"She... was diagnosed with cancer"

My breath catches in my throat at that.

The C word. The most vile thing on this planet.

He's sobbing again, head resting on my heart.

"It's not her fault, I know that. Fuck I sound so selfish! I just don't want her to go Levi! She can't just.. go"

No more words are spoken, I tighten my grip and plant soft kisses in his hair.

There's nothing for me to say, I can't tell him that she won't go because the chances of that being true are too slim.  
Like I've said before, False hope is just that, False.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I want to apologise for my disappearance. A lot has been going on recently and I needed a break from writing. My laptop also broke so I was at a loss. I don't want to hide behind excuses though so I really am sorry for the wait but I'm back and will try to stay on top of updating. I never gave up on this fanfiction, I just lost the motivation to continue for a little while

Chapter 12

I don't really remember much of last night, Krista came round and told Me about her diagnosis... it's not fair, the worst things happen to the nicest of people.

I woke up in the arms of Levi, both sprawled out on my sofa draped in the blanket I so 'elegantly' tripped on. My eyes land upon his face. Whilst sleeping, his features are relaxed and calm, an expression I wish he could wear for the rest of his life.. but I know that the world around him will taint his skin and forcefully pull his soft lips down into a frown. Again... life is unfair.

As gently as possible I manage to slip out of the tangled limbs that were just encasing me in warmth and stretch out, allowing the coldness to creep under my skin and set deep into my bones... I feel like an old man. Glancing down I see the broken screen of my phone light up.

... Oh yeah, in my frustration last night, I lobbed my phone... and now it's cracked.

I small hollow chuckle escapes my lips... it's broken, just like me.

Sighing I bend down and pick up my phone, but what I see nearly has me dropping it again... a friend request.

From... Armin

The gasp that escapes my lips, must of been louder than I thought because levi wakes with a start. I look over to him and offer an apologetic smile, he just looks out blankly. Still groggy...

So adorable.

His hair is sticking every which way and a cute little yawn tugs at his lips. Levis eyes meet mine and he smiles slightly, as he rubs the sleep from them

"Morning brat"

I scoff at that and throw one of the pillows that managed to find its way to the floor at him, though it doesn't do much as he catches it. My eyes narrow as he smirks back at me.

"Your no fun" I say, pouting slightly as I sniff and turn my face to the Side.

I hear a deep chuckle rumble from his lips and I can't help but smile in response. Movement brings my eyes back to levis form as he pulls himself from the sofa and points to the kitchen.

"I think I'm going to overtake your kitchen and make some pancakes... you have eggs and flower right?"

"I do... but I'll make the breakfast, I mean you are technically my guest"

He waves his hand dismissively "trust me when I tell you that I will become part of the furniture before the end of the day, besides you have something better to do with your time"

"Oh? And what might that be?"

Levi looks at me, dead in the eye. Seriousness taking over his features "brushing your teeth, what else? The sooner you do that, the sooner I get to kiss you"

My cheeks heat up as I stutter out a response "w-well what about you? Shouldn't you also brush your teeth?"

He shrugs " I woke up an hour ago, I borrowed one of your spare tooth brushes, it was still in the packaging so I figured it would be alright to use.. you don't mind do you?"

My eyebrows furrowed at this "of course I don't mind but... I could have sworn you was asleep when I woke up"

"I was, I fell back to sleep"

...

"So you woke up to brush your teeth... then went back to sleep?"

Levi sighed "yes, I had a horrible taste in my mouth"

A loud snort erupted from my nose, causing levi to jump slightly at the loud noise

"You are so strange" I giggle

He rolls his eyes at me and makes his way into the kitchen "yeah, yeah go brush your teeth Jaeger"

When Levi disappears from view my giggles die down and my eyes find themselves back on the screen of my broken phone

...Armin, it's been 8 years... where did you go?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!... I am in love... with Yuri on ice!
> 
> Now I'm not really a fan of sports anime but oh my God, this anime is beautiful!... finally one of my ships are Canon, honestly have you seen Victor and Yuri! It's so adorable.
> 
> As well as this fanfiction I am considering starting a yuri on ice fic too... and yes it will be victuri.
> 
> If you haven't watched this anime, I strongly recommend you watch it.

Levi's POV:

Life is so unfair, I think to myself as I glance down at the boy in my arms. My eyes drift across his face, taking in all of him. The way his thick, dark eyelashes rest softly on his Sun kissed skin. How his soft pink lips are relaxed and unmoving, wow... he really is beautiful.

Why? Why him?

It pains me to see him hurting, watching him sleep is the only time I see peace within him, it's the only time he looks free of all sorrow, I can't even put into words how blessed I am to see this side of him, to see him content.

My only wish now is that I get to see this freedom dance across his face everyday, for the rest of our lives.

In Time, we will rebuild ourselves, and we will sweep away the broken pieces of the mirror that shattered, that cut, that disfigured the identity of the person looking back at us in the mirror.

I don't know it it's too soon to call what I feel for him, love but I know for a fact that I have never felt this way for someone like this before.

This brat has really gotten under my skin

There's a famous quote from one of my favourite books ' To kill a mocking bird' that says

"You can never truly understand someone, until you crawl into their skin and walk around in it" and I believe that with all of my being, Eren is still a mystery to me, still just a close stranger, a book unread. The funny thing is that you can never actually crawl into somebody's skin and walk around in it, so he will continue to be a mystery, but hopefully he will let me in to some of his secrets, just so I can understand him a little better.

I understand what it is to be hurt, but that doesn't mean I understand his mind and how he copes. It's the same with Every one, in that we are all different.

I want to be able to trust him with my heart.

I want him to trust me with his.

Sighing I look up at the clock, 5:30 in the morning... I need the toilet but the thought of moving from this spot hurts my soul.

I think about holding it, but I know that it probably not the wisest of choices, I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep in discomfort. So I gently move Eren's form from mine and slip down the small hall, hoping I'm heading to the right door.

Stumbling in the dark was never a great plan, but I didn't want to risk the light waking Eren up, he needs to rest especially after what happened yesterday.

But like I said, stumbling in the dark is never a wise decision, my foot catches on something laying across the hallway floor and I go flying. Landing in a heap on the floor, with a mouthful of carpet.

My whole body goes stiff, my mind racing at the thought of how many germs are now in my mouth. This is where Eren walks, where dust collects and food is spilt. Unable to control the gag that constricts my throat, I scramble to the bathroom and clean out my mouth.

It's now that I notice my hands shaking, it's not enough! I need to clean my mouth properly.

Dropping to my knees, I open the little cabinet under the sink in hopes of finding a spare tooth brush.

To my relief there's a pack of three, completely unopened.

After rinsing out my mouth a few more times, I drag a shaky hand down my face and look into the mirror.

Idiotic

That's what I am, freaking out over something like that has always seemed idiotic to others but for me.. for me that was too much. I've gotten better, I used to be afraid to touch almost anything. Physical contact was a no go but Isabel and furlan helped me cope, help me grow into the person I am today. They are the soul reason I can touch people now, it's still hard at times, when my paranoia gets the better of Me but thanks to them I can hold Eren, can kiss him without flinching away from his touch.

Cleanliness has always been important to Me, I was practically born into an orphanage until Ervin's family took me in, it was a horrible place, filled with disease and dirt. Nobody took care of anything and as a small child I used to get sick often, I was so weak And it was thanks to the germs that plague the earth. That's where it started, my OCD, it just grew and got worse as I got older... It used to be awful but I haven't reacted that badly since Isabel died.

I still have my bad days.

Days where I can't deal with the contact of others. I feel the burn of unshed tears prickle, there will be days that I won't be able to touch Eren.

Days where he can't touch me.

I hate that, I hate the fact that it rules me, defines me as a person. I have no control over it and that fucking scares me.

It's times like these that remind me how much of a fuck up I am.

Glancing at my reflection on last time, I make my way back to the sofa where Eren lay, still sleeping. I curl my body around his and I can't help but feel a small smile pull at the corners of my lips, we fit so perfectly together.

A loud gasp pulls me from my slumber, still hazy from the sleep I fix my eyes on Eren who is clutching his phone to his chest tightly, a shocked and sorrowful look laying upon his skin. He relaxes slightly after a few seconds and I feel my own body relax too.

"Morning brat"

**Author's Note:**

> I did try and proof read my work but its always difficult to spot mistakes in your own writing so I do apologise for any Incorrect spelling or odd grammar placements. 
> 
> I will try the update twice a week if not more. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Oh and please feel free to leave a comment, I'd greatly appreciate it XD


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